Radio Coquette
by the aspiring cynic
Summary: Maybe using the radio as a means to dispel the impending awkwardness of a late-night tampon run wasn't Wynter's brightest idea. Then again, it wasn't her fault Ryuuzaki was the most obstinate man on Earth. Companion one-shot to Deicide.


No one ever discovers the depths of his own loneliness.

-Georges Bernanos

Disclaimer: You don't even want to consider the insanity I would wreak should I come into possession of Death Note. I do not claim ownership of "Rude Boy" nor "S&M" by Rihanna.

Summary: Maybe using the radio as a means to dispel the impending awkwardness of a late-night tampon run wasn't Wynter's brightest idea. Then again, it wasn't her fault Ryuuzaki was the most obstinate man on Earth. Companion one-shot to Deicide.

* * *

><p><strong>Warning: <strong>

Expect showers of exaggeration, awkwardness and the F-bomb.

It is highly suggested to read Deicide beforehand.

Please disregard the authoress' insanity and choppy transitions between perspectives.

* * *

><p><strong>Radio Coquette<strong>

Wynter stared at the single cotton female hygiene product in disbelief.

_Fuck._

Funny how four little letters could accurately illustrate the direness of a situation. Normally, she wouldn't be perturbed by the fact that her resources had run dry but since joining Mr. Creeper and company, Wynter had no idea how she would be able to obtain more. The man wouldn't let her leave the premises to go to the liquor store located five minutes away. There was no way he'd let her drive to the pharmacy **alone **this late.

Unlike others of his gender, Ryuuzaki showed no sensitivity to the private matters of females. His social ineptness was so bad that he probably wouldn't even see what the big deal was. He would never see why it was socially unacceptable to have a **male **accompany her to the store to buy more.

And it would be impossible for her to sneak out without catching the attention of Mr. Creeper and his successors.

She was irrevocably **screwed**.

She'd die from embarrassment.

She'd . . .

_Fuck._

She'd have to swallow both her pride and dignity.

This was exigent. This was more important.

It wasn't possible for someone to actually die from embarrassment, right?

_Right?_

* * *

><p>There was a forty-one percent chance that Ms. Wynter was not inebriated at the current moment. Though, her sheepish attitude was quite something else. She kept opening her mouth but then quickly closing it. She had been pacing the length of the headquarters for nearly ten minutes and just when Ryuuzaki was about to order her back to her room, Ms. Wynter stabbed the proverbial elephant in the room.<p>

"Uh, Ryuuzaki?" She shifted her weight from one foot to the other.

"Yes?" Ryuuzaki was even willing to give her a few of his sweets just so that she'd stop being such a nuisance. It was precisely 3:21 a.m. and he wondered why she was still up at this hour. She normally drank herself into a stupor and was dead to the world for at least eight hours.

Perhaps she had another dream?

"Can I go to the pharmacy really quickly? It's . . . kind of an emergency." Her eyes were pinned on the marble floor and she refused to even look in his in general direction.

Odd. Normally Ms. Wynter would be demanding from him; she had never been this tentative before.

"What kind of emergency?" He stoically asked, not looking away from the monitor in front of him.

Ms. Wynter stifled a slurry of swear words.

* * *

><p>After exhausting her extensive arsenal of expletives twice, Wynter shoved her nervousness into a box. If Ryuuzaki could theoretically be stoic and professional about everything under the sun, including tampons, then she could too.<p>

But then again Mr. Creeper was most definitely a robot pimp that was programmed to be an insensitive chauvinist.

"Urgent." She hoped Mr. Creeper would interpret the look on her face as serious.

"I suppose I could call Mello to accompany you."

_**Mello? **_The man would tear her atoms apart if he knew that Ryuuzaki had sent him to supervise her buying feminine products. Even if it was Ryuuzaki's fault in the first place.

"What?" Wynter shrieked, momentarily dropping her act. "Don't you trust me? If I was going to betray you all, don't you think I would have done it a lot sooner?"

"This is not a matter of trust, Ms. Wynter, but a security precaution." Ryuuzaki deadpanned.

"Mello can't come!" She knew sounding childish was not going to help her cause but she couldn't stop her immediate refusal. At least Matt wouldn't have the audacity to openly mock her in front of the sales clerk and hellishly criticize her every fucking second.

Ryuuzaki probably would have raised an eyebrow if he had one.

"And why not, Ms. Wynter?"

"Because . . . because I'm menstruating damn it! He'll mock me every chance he gets! I'll never be able to live it down!" Maybe the excess hysteria wasn't exactly professional per se but at this point Wynter didn't give a flying pile of fecal matter.

"You are . . ."

Wynter abruptly grabbed him by the collar, effectively cutting him off. Her hesitation had been exchanged for pure, unadulterated desperation.

"Never, ever, infuriate a hormonal woman. Understand, Ryuuzaki?" Her voice was inexplicably tense. She hadn't been this angry at him since she had discovered that he had planted surveillance cameras in her room.

He dumbly nodded and Wynter felt a sudden rush of endorphins upsetting her already unstable emotional state.

"Good!" She replied cheerfully as she released the collar of his shirt.

"But I must insist that I accompany you."

The smile on her face dropped like dead flies.

_That obstinate little prick._

* * *

><p>She had to get over the awkwardness of the situation if she wanted to reach the pharmacy without shoving Ryuuzaki out the door.<p>

Or maiming him.

Or doing something that she'd regret when she wasn't –er– hormonally compromised.

Her solution was staring her right in the face.

Music.

_**Perfect!**_

Music was an excellent tool that would obnoxiously drown out mortifying silence. Why hadn't she thought of it sooner?

She switched it on in the apparent darkness, purposely avoiding Ryuuzaki's gaze.

**'Cause I may be bad but I'm perfectly good at it/ **

** Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it/ **

** Sticks and stones may break my bones/ **

** But whips and chains excite me . . .**

_For the love of God . . ._

Hastily, she skipped to the next track.

**I like the way you touch me there/  
><strong>

** I like the way you pull my hair/  
><strong>

** Babe, if I don't feel it I ain't faking/  
><strong>

** No, no . . .**

_Is it illegal for someone to bang their head against the steering wheel . . . repeatedly?_

It was amazing how Mello still managed to screw her over even when he wasn't even there.

* * *

><p>Ryuuzaki acknowledged that the pharmacy was exceptionally well-lit. The sudden influx of light to his starved eyes made his pupils fluctuate in response.<p>

The speed which Ms. Wynter had exercised was astounding. He wondered if she ever considered joining her university track team at one point. She had located the feminine hygiene aisle within mere moments and quickly snatched the closest package without much fuss.

She only slowed when it came time to purchase said package.

Her hesitation only further aggravated his curiosity.

_Are all females this strange during their menstruation cycle?_

_Or is this peculiarity simply exaggerated for those with clairvoyant abilities?_

He felt a slight tap on his shoulder and his gaze shifted to Ms. Wynter.

"Um, Ryuuzaki." Her voice was sickly sweet and not very appetizing to him.

"Yes, Ms. Wynter?" Silently, he prepared for whatever she may ask. Ms. Wynter had proven to be unstable and highly unpredictable as of late. If he wished for their cover to stay uncompromised that he would have to handle this delicate matter with utter diplomacy.

Too bad Ryuuzaki had the tact of roadkill.

"Uh . . . _couldyoubuytheseforme_, please? And I promise to make you cakes anytime you ask." She thrust the package into his hands. Her eyes were wide and pleading.

"Ms. Wynter, I fail to see why you are not capable of . . ." He droned.

"The employee at the register is a guy!" She interjected.

"I'm glad to see that Ms. Wynter's observational skills are improving but . . ." Ryuuzaki looked nonplussed and he picked up a faint trace of irritation in his voice.

"Do you have any idea how awkward it would be? Especially since he looks like an ex-rapist with a kink fetish." She was babbling nonsense now. Sometimes Ryuuzaki wondered if her lapses in sense should be noted for further reference. He opened his mouth to reject her proposal but paused.

Cake anytime he desired.

Ms. Wynter had proven to excel in the pastry arts. The woman drove a very persuasive bargain. The task was neither difficult nor impossible. He'd be a fool to let this offer pass him by.

He nodded, reflexively she grinned and thanked him repeatedly. She then rushed out of the store and into the security of their car parked next to the entrance.

He leisurely shuffled toward the checkout aisle and placed the package onto the conveyor belt as well as a large lollipop that had been displayed near the register.

"Your girlfriend made you buy this?" The cashier smiled toothily; his yellow smile probably would have unnerved normal people but Ryuuzaki had never been normal.

Ryuuzaki nodded. Ms. Wynter was of the female gender and she had, in fact, forced him to purchase said item.

"Ha. I remember when mine did the same. Though, she'd pay me back with interest, if you know what I mean?" The man winked while Ryuuzaki merely stared owlishly.

Ryuuzaki noted that there was a seventy-three percent chance that this man was not talking about monetary exchanges.

"How about I throw these in? Never be too safe, nowadays." He winked one last time after Ryuuzaki paid the man and departed.

That would explain how Ryuuzaki found himself in the possession of a lollipop, a package of tampons and one box of strawberry-flavored condoms.

Needless to say, the ride back to the headquarters was silent.


End file.
